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under water, over seas

by Luna Afra Evans

to drown, to swim 

from fire to freezing 

from secret to desire 

are you even in the moment 

when others don’t hear you? 

i surely am not. 

there is something freeing 

about this. 

the first time 

i knew who i really was 

i was still a child 

are you even taking a breath 

when others don’t feel you? 

i surely lack the oxygen. 

i kept my head under water 

so I never had to reach the shore are you even moving 

when others don’t see you? 

i surely can swim. 

(i dive so i don’t have to choose my coast) from fleeing to freeing 

i was afraid of drowning 

for the longest time 

and now i cannot 

get enough 

of your ocean 

let me dive 

deep 

let me live 

forever 

in you 

- let us swim together

 

home is where shame is not 

where i am from 

my friends and i would run into the sea 

the darkness 

is the fabric on our bodies like silk on our skin 

i see her shoulders from afar his head turning 

lebensbejahend 

(saying yes to life) 

towards the sheer endlessness the moonlight is caressing our faces 

painting intricate patterns of light in nature 

oh, to be young 

i smile as the cold water gently touches my breasts no weight, just floating no discomfort, just flying oh, to exist 

in a body 

close to other bodies 

without shame 

all the burdens of the everyday left alone on the shore 

with childlike laughter 

the water is our playground in between decisions 

the most gentle collisions you have ever seen 

we lost count 

we lost track of time 

under the stars 

i hold you close 

you hold me tight 

we felt a piece of forever in that night

 

dating on the line 

first 

it is the precious state of loneliness 

lovingly alone, it is 

a particular time to 

perpetuate 

penetrate 

peculiar 

ideas 

second 

is the desperate state of clinginess 

crucially hiding in a 

search bar 

all tabs are open to 

suffocate 

sexualize 

separate 

ideas 

first 

it is the shameful state of aftermath 

confusedly recollect, it is 

a reaction to rejection, to 

reconcile 

reinvent 

Revolutionize 

your intricate bouquet of 

things 

your bouquet of being 

all 

your(s) 

ideas

 

something like a body, not yet a temple 

body 

this is morphing 

where’s the morphine 

to numb 

what’s left from 

suffering 

it is not 

pain yet 

it is pain 

fully understood that 

one can live somewhere 

that is not their home 

yet i wonder 

do i just have to renovate 

what’s left? 

“your body is a temple” etc.Inc. but what if it feels 

like a wreck 

what if you don’t even 

know what 

your architecture looks like 

seemingly 

everybody just 

picks something from the 

catalog 

something they admire 

or others like, at least 

what if i tried 

and still do not know 

tricky to live let alone 

to invite someone in 

when you don’t even know 

what your home is supposed to be or even what it looks like

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